I hate almost everything about the presidential primaries-starting with the disproportionate influence Iowa and New Hampshire have-and continuing through the preposterous system we have in Washington State where the Democrats won’t even acknowledge the primary election, instead deciding to commit all delegates from the caucuses. (Four years ago I attempted to attend the Democratic caucus at AE2 @ Decatur Elementary only to leave in disgust because it was so crowed and disorganized.)
And don’t even get me started about the fact that most of the time the nominee is all but decided by the time Washington State gets around to our turn anyway.
This distain for the system, combined with the fact that I honestly feel nothing for any of the current candidates (Al Gore, how could you break my heart like that???) left me totally unsure what I would do come February 9th. That is, until recently when I was reading some comments on HorsesAss.org. serial commenter Roger Rabbit hit upon a brilliant idea:
I’ve decided to vote Republican in Washington’s Feb. 19 primary, and I’m going to vote for Mike Huckabee!
Why not? The Democratic primary is nothing but a meaningless beauty contest – all the Democratic delegates will be chosen in the Feb. 8 caucuses. The GOP, on the other hand, has allocated half of its delegates to candidates selected by popular vote in theprimary.
Looking forward to the fall presidential debates, I want to hear Gov. Huckabee tell the American people he’s going to abolish science education and force America’s public schools to teach creationism to our kids, so that our future doctors, biologists, scientists, and engineers will think mutating viruses are supernatural punishment for immoral behavior.
I want to hear Gov. Huckabee explain that little girls deserve to be raped if they’re related to Bill Clinton, and it’s okay for little boys to lynch dogs in Boy Scout Camp if they’re related to MikeHuckabee.
I want to hear Gov. Huckabee tell the American people he wants to replace the progressive income tax with a 40% sales tax.
I want to hear Gov. Huckabee tell a worldwide TV audience in the hundreds of millions that George W. Bush’s foreign policy is all wrong – he should have used nukes from the get-go.
Yep, Mike Huckabee is the guy I want to carry the GOP banner in November. He’s a perfect representative of that party and its adherents – he’s as stupid, ignorant, crazy, dishonest, and immoral as they are!
I love it and, for only the second time in my life, I intend on voting for a Republican in an major elections-the previous time being voting for Ellen Cranswell in the 1996 gubernatorial primary in another attempt to burden the Republican’s with as weak and whacky a candidate as possible.